“It’s YOUR fault! “

Why do we make BAD choices and then like to blame others for why things are going the way they are in our lives? I’m going to tell you right now IT IS NOT always someone else’s fault. Sometimes we just make really silly choices and don’t want to own up to them.

Exhibit A:  I have recently been complaining about wanting to be in tip-top shape before my 29th Birthday in May. My husband is IN SHAPE. I’m not necessarily out of shape, I’m just not where I want to be. So what did I do, I ran for a whole week straight, two miles a day then I stopped. I started to eat whatever I wanted on our date nights and I knew I had a bridesmaids dress to fit into for one of my best friends wedding, October 4th. Well Guess what happened? You guessed it, when I got my dress, a couple of weeks back, it DID NOT zip. *insert horror music* I mean, I felt like Ursula in a matter of seconds. I had a complete meltdown, super dramatic, hugging my husband while yelling at him for over stuffing me with food at all of our date nights, buying me my favorite wine and ice cream all the time and just telling me I’m beautiful 24/7. WHO wouldn’t get FAT after THAT?! Like come on! I blamed him for it all, “You are the reason I can’t fit my dress! You just want me to be fat and happy, what’s wrong with you?!” My husband had this look on his face in the midst of his burst of laughter that equaled too what us women would call a “GIRL BYE”. Then I got myself together; after eating a couple scoops of my favorite Talenti Ice-cream. Don’t judge me. Lol. After this, I had a long talk with myself where I had to look in the mirror in have a lil pep talk. “This is your fault, you made bad choices, now fix it, end of story.”
You may laugh but I literally was that stern with myself. I knew my best friend  wasn’t going to have me walking down the aisle with my back busting out the bando; literally speaking. So what did I do after I stopped making excuses and did some self-evaluation? I did what I needed to do, to get that dress to fit. I started working out within the time frame I had, I made healthier choices with my food and I found a seamstress who “walked on water” with my dress. I mean, she basically made a dollar out of fifteen cent because that dress fits PERFECT now.
Let’s get even more real. Why do we make bad choices when it comes to dating and like to put all the blame on the guys? It’s all crazy Jaime’s fault that ya’ll have such a dysfunctional relationship and keep breaking up every other month. NOPE, both of you guys are at fault somewhere in the circumstance. Clearly there is something about him that has you gravitating to him even though you know the relationship is on fail mode all the time. And then, once you get the will power to break up with him, you end up with another guy with similar character. There seems to be a pattern there. At some point you have to take that long pause in the mirror and say “something here is my fault and I have to own up to whatever that maybe.”
My point here is this WE HAVE TO DO BETTER. WE HAVE TO MAKE BETTER CHOICES. Whether its food, health or relationships, career choices, and friendship circles, etc. We have a choice in the matter. We just don’t like to take responsibility for our actions. Oh and don’t let someone call us out on it and try to hold us accountable! The Taz-manian devil comes raging out looking for prey Lol. We know we are good for it, don’t lie.
We have to start practicing taking responsibility, for our actions and words.
I’m guilty of this too, but I have found a rhythm in my life currently (through God) where I am practicing taking responsibility more often. We just have to be real with ourselves. My husband and I make it a priority that we practice helping one another take responsibility for our actions.
My reason for doing this is like many others; it’s the easy way out. Taking responsibility and being a leader requires you to be held to a certain standard, a standard some of us don’t want to uphold if we are honest. If you can blame someone else for why your life is currently in shambles, or why you like being messy and talking about people, it will temporarily take the sting away. You wont have to face yourself because you have made yourself believe it is ALL someone else’s fault.
Choices matter, and though there are some legit circumstances that are totally unfair that are not always your fault, I will say about 7 times out of 10 that’s not usually the case. We have to raise a standard in our lives to live to our fullest potential and not take short cuts. Who wants to be mediocre? This past week I had a great blog post that received a lot of GREAT, overwhelming responses, Facebook shares, tweets, etc. from my readers. THANK YOU. But I cant help but say that it gave me a reality check to keep myself disciplined in working towards my goals and dreams. I almost didn’t post that blog because the week before that I almost shut down my site. When I wasn’t hearing anything from God to write I got frustrated and wanted to give up. I started working full-time in Baltimore (which is like 45 min to an hour away from me), I’m a new wife still trying to learn the DMV area and I’m sure all of my fellow social workers can attest this counseling life isn’t always easy. I felt like I didn’t have time to dedicate to building my site and writing.
Though these maybe valid excuses for some, I’m at a point in my life where the excuses have to stop. I’m not anyone’s charity case and I have to own up to my poor time management skills and lack of dedication to my craft at times. If I can stay up and watch my favorite T.V shows, I can work on my dreams and aspirations. PERIOD. You can too.  If we don’t break these bad habits NOW, they will show up later.
I had a period of time when I first started working up here where I felt like I was drifting away from God somewhat. Like I wasn’t  spending as much time with him as I was when I wasn’t working and had a lot of free time. I noticed because of the lack, I was a lot more impatient and my attitude wasn’t always in check. I had to re-evaluate my life and see what was missing. What I realized and also what my husband pointed out to me was that I wasn’t spending enough time in my word, prayer or worship. I wasn’t. I allowed life to take over and I was suffering from the results. I put myself back on a good schedule to make sure I found some time within my day to spend with God and with myself. (ME TIME IS KEY.) This has made a DRASTIC difference in how my days run. ( Even when things go wrong.) But you know what I almost did? Tried to find someone or something to blame. Thankfully I had been really practicing this, so when I started to do it I caught myself.
If we don’t like how something is going in our lives, lets not be so quick to point the finger outward. Let’s start to point the finger at ourselves first and ask “what can I do better, what can I change?” This mentality will indeed change your life for the better because you will actually start to GROW.
Yes some things are “the devils fault” but I honestly do believe we use this as an excuse most of the time. We give him too much credit. Sometimes WE are our worst enemies and get ourselves in our own way. I just want us to take some time out, pause and really meditate on this. Do you have a problem taking responsibility for your actions?
If you do, I want you to know that there is HOPE. You are NOT defeated. Once you can admit your faults, that’s when God can start working on you from the inside out. I no longer get embarrassed when sharing the areas in my life where I need growth because God tells us in his word that in our weakness HE is made strong. HE gets the glory.
{2nd Corinthians 9-11}
 “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Love,
Katondra

Published by

Katondra Dunn

Katondra is a southern girl originally from South Florida. She currently resides in Maryland with her husband and son. She loves Jesus, fitness, good food and new adventures. Her motto is "Do all things with love!"

5 thoughts on ““It’s YOUR fault! “

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