When loving you is wrong….BUT I wanna be right.

This Sunday we are going to address: SOUL TIES.
So what is a soul tie first of all? Soul ties are intimate bonds to another human being.
 1 Thessalonians 5:23 states that man is made up of three parts: spirit, soul and body.   

1 Corinthians 6:12-20The Message (MSG)12 Just because something is technically legal doesn’t mean that it’s spiritually appropriate. If I went around doing whatever I thought I could get by with, I’d be a slave to my whims.

13 You know the old saying, “First you eat to live, and then you live to eat”? Well, it may be true that the body is only a temporary thing, but that’s no excuse for stuffing your body with food, or indulging it with sex. Since the Master honors you with a body, honor him with your body!

14-15 God honored the Master’s body by raising it from the grave. He’ll treat yours with the same resurrection power. Until that time, remember that your bodies are created with the same dignity as the Master’s body. You wouldn’t take the Master’s body off to a whorehouse, would you? I should hope not.

16-20 There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.

For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.
How many of us ladies have been in a relationship ( or maybe currently in one) where we KNEW loving that man was wrong but we just wanted so badly to be right!? It happens ALL the time. I see so many women settling for relationships where they are not truly being valued. Women who are comfortable being a girlfriend with “benefits”.  A couple of trips out of town ( or the country) some handbags and a title, and she is set. Doing anything he can to keep you from addressing that nagging conviction in both of your hearts that wont go away. In these relationships, fornication is at an all time HIGH and you just can’t get enough. Been there. I used to be that girl at one point in my life where I would treat my then boyfriend like he was my husband, meaning I would give him things that God tailored for marriage.
In one of these past relationships I was saved, so for all of the super saints; No one is perfect. That definitely did not give me an excuse to do whatever I wanted though. I knew what I was doing. I was the type who had to learn the hard way because I was stubborn by nature. Why? Why would I stay in something I knew God didn’t like? Because soul ties are not easy to break and that is why God intended the type of bond we choose to have frivolously with random boyfriends, FOR MARRIAGE. That type of connection is meant for ONE PERSON. The person whom you make a covenant with under God, by law. ONE PERSON.
The thing that gets us caught up in these type of relationships the most, is we don’t like to be put to public shame. Before social media; you just didn’t want to be embarrassed that you ended up being wrong within your circle of friends. NOW, the pressures of social media have people in dead-end relationships, struggling to hold on for likes. You want to hold on so bad because you have sold everyone this dream, this image of how “in love” you are with this person and how much this person is just right for you, they are your best friend and all that jazz. Behind closed doors you are arguing everyday, you are gaining obvious signs that he maybe interested in other women, and he is just not that into you as he used to be. But remember : you know loving him is wrong, BUT you want to be right! All your girls are getting married and engaged too! “Chile!! You just have to make this thing work!” It’s not worth it. It is not worth being in a relationship that you know does not honor God and you just want to hold on to prove someone wrong. Why don’t you do both of yourselves a favor, end it and move on.
This happened to me in a relationship before. I thought this one guy was legit, he seemed to be at least. He was funny, educated, seemed like he was into church and us growing together in that regard, etc. But what I came to find out, months into the relationship. Was that he at that time in his life was just not ready to commit to what he thought he wanted to commit too. He didn’t really want to let go of our relationship, but I knew in my heart that it had to end because we were not helping one another at all. I was NOT about to be strung along until he figured it out either. It was just pointless and became a waste of our time. But I have to admit at that time, part of me didn’t want to let the relationship go for superficial reasons. It wasn’t because he was so amazing and sweet behind closed doors, because quite frankly; he wasn’t. He wasn’t that nice of a person back then, and we both had some growing up to do. I was embarrassed. I had spent all of these years mentoring girls, “waiting for my husband”, telling them to wait, being an example and then all of a sudden I posted on social media that I was in a relationship! My inbox was going crazy! People who have followed me for a while and knew me were so excited that I finally posted something about a relationship. (I am a private person with the details of my personal relationships so I never posted any relationship I was in before, ever to Facebook or Instagram. Ever.) Therefore, I felt pressured to make this thing work!
God has a funny way of humbling you, because let me telllll you that relationship flopped like blubber honey. I was that girl who one month you saw on IG all of these “loving pictures” and R&B lyric captions, to the next month I was rushing to “secretly” take down every picture known to man of this relationship because no one would notice right? LOL! The funny thing is, a close friend of mine TOLD ME to deactivate my Facebook for a while and take a break from social media when I vented to her early on that it looked like a dead-end relationship. I knew it, but I didn’t listen to her. Boy did I have to eat my words. She tried to save me from the embarrassment but little ole stubborn me wanted my way. Because we can change these men right?! We can make them go from heart breaker bad boy to Jesus loving Kirk Franklin over night huh? NOPE. Her and I still laugh about this today now that we are both married to men that God placed in our lives.
This is what soul ties do to you. They brain wash you to be infatuated and have your soul clung to someone who is not your husband. There is no security in that type of bond. You wonder why you feel insecure inside about the relationship?  You feel that way because if this man decided tomorrow that he wanted to leave you and date Erica or Brittany, he could! There is nothing binding him to the relationship, spiritually or legally. You just traded your self worth for some Instagram likes.
When you get the conviction to leave a relationship that you know is not honoring God, LEAVE. Let me tell you why, because you leave room for God to work. God could have someone SO AMAZING in store for you but you want to hold on to raggedy John. This is my story, I went through so many failed relationships trying to control my destiny. I just knew I could change a man, I’m charming, smart, beautiful, funny, I had great life goals, I’m from the south! (Men love us..lol) I loved Jesus, etc. I just knew I was a catch. I was prideful enough to think that because of all these things a man would change for me. PLEASE. God is the ONLY one who can change a human heart. I used to be so scared I wouldn’t get married before 30. I was like depressed about it to the point where I started to reconsider old flames. Half of my inner circle was married. I would make excuses for them and say to my girlfriends “well he changed this since a couple of years ago, that gives us hope right?” Trying to make something that once was, a new thing. God interceded and was like “Katondra have several seats.” LOL I finally got to a point where I LET GO. I stopped trying to go through a pros and cons checklist of all my exes to see who was good enough for me to send a “Hey how have you been!?” text. Pitiful I know. I just let God take over. FINALLY. I didn’t think about a relationship anymore, I just started living my life!
After some time God brought me my current husband and I couldn’t be happier. He is indeed perfect for me, he loves Jesus with his all everyday and we help one another grow. Imagine where I would be now if I continued to be stubborn and force my will over God’s?
So how do you know when you have a soul tie with someone?
  • You are or have been sexually involved with a partner outside of marriage.
  • You allow the person you are, or have been sexually involved with to mistreat you.
  • When the relationship is over, you can’t stop thinking about the person. Many times you cannot get over the relationship and will do anything to keep the relationship going.
  •  After an extended period of time the relationship still brings you emotional pain and even depression.
  • Every time you see the person or talk to them you are drawn back to that person; even when the relationship is done.

How do you release a soul tie?

  • Ask God in prayer to show you if you have soul ties that need to be severed.  If the Lord brings people to mind or you think there is a possibility of a soul tie, proceed to pray to cut the soul tie.
  • Cut the soul tie.
  • Be willing to submit yourself to the Lord and be directed by His guidance.
  • Have a support group of godly women in your circle.
  • Cut the soul tie.
  • God demands first place in our hearts. If you are not willing to leave a relationship for being obedient to God, than you really have to ask yourself “Who IS my God?”
  • Be willing to confess  any sexual immorality leading to the ungodly soul tie.
  • Cut the soul tie.

“When our strongest soul tie is to God, there is a divine covering and protection that will enable us to withstand forming ungodly soul ties.”-D.A

Ladies, there is nothing better than submitting your heart and mind to God and being obedient to him. Not because you want him to bring you a man, but because he is God and he wants what’s best for you in every area. He knows the desires of our hearts, allow him to bless you as he sees fit and be ok with the timing. Remember GOD knows best!



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